I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
