omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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