i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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