i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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