question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
