You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
