when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
