I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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