I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
