Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
