I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
