This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
