gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
