**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize