I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
