Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
