I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
