put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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