3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
