Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
