Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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