I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
