Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
