I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
