I think i peed on brittanys purse
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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