haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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