yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
ok first of all what the fuck
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
