you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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