she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
