it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
