Your mouth is God's brothel.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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