Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
