i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
