Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
A+ Viking dick
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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