I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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