when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
this just has baby written all over it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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