i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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