Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
