i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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