i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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