Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
