your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
