i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
