3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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