The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
