I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
