I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
