I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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