After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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