I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
