I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
A+ Viking dick
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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