a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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