this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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