3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
