I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
